Monday, July 11, 2005
tsd
Tsd is all (and perhaps more) that i remember it to be, and its not just the theatre I am talking about. Tonight was the last night of the '05 Tsd Public Performance, and watching it after such a long time just brings back bittersweet memories of my stint there. After going through it myself, I could fully appreciate the work, sweat and tears that had to be put in to produce work of such quality.I had a love-hate relationship with tsd. I loved acting and theatre, but hated the politics and some of the people. How could people so exposed to the spectrum of society (through plays) could be so narrow-minded and judgemental? I never could understand why people couldn't just come up to me and tell me what they didn't like about me, and perhaps we could work our differences out. But no! They chose to hide behind their indiferrent looks and hushed whispers when I walked past.
Why couldn't just one of them have the guts to say, " Vic, I think your skirt is too short.", or " Vic, I hate your face." ? I would have appreciated the refreshing honesty, and taken their criticisms with an open mind. Honestly!
For every 10 hushed words, I would catch one. And that one would be enough to ruin my day. I couldn't concentrate on acting, cuz those words would always whiz past at the back of my mind. It was impossible for me to be as dedicated to tsd as some of these people were, cuz I just didn't want to be anywhere near them. As a result, I became increasingly alienated from them, and the rift just seemed to grow.
So what if I wore my skirt short? I still do. So what if I chose to eat with my friends outside tsd? I have a life too, you know. So what if I like to flirt and had more than one guy friend? I never went for any guy in tsd, much less the one that was your boyfriend. You never knew the real me, so you don't have the right to judge me. The "me" you knew was just a front, I had to be strong, I could not let you win.
I can't say I hate these people. Hate is a strong emotion, just a hair's width away from Love. To hate someone you need to have feelings towards them, and I just cannot be bothered to muster the energy to hate them. I choose only to be apathetic. These people mean nothing to me, and they can no longer affect me with their words or actions. I have chosen to love and accept myself for who I am, and I will no longer chase the illusion that others have created of me.
But however I try, I will never forget the words that were said. They are a painful reminder, but also a lesson in life: Do unto others what you want others to do unto you. I have forgiven, but not forgotten.
insatiable at 1:38 AM
3 Comments
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at 10:25 PM
wenrui said... My mom once told me: "Don't be annoyed. Be amused."
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at 11:57 PM
insatiable said...
hm who is "nightdescends"?
well I don't think it has kept up in uni. esp in the uk, ppl are much more liberal and open minded (save for a few black sheep). after all, it's impossible to wear a short skirt in winter!! =) it was just that one night, when all the bad memories came flooding back.
jon-- I know I shldn't b affected by all these ppl, but in tsd, there is alot of emphasis on group work. So when something like that happens, it's really difficult to concentrate. btw, love your tdf commentries! =)-
at 10:39 PM
wenrui said...
well thanks! at least SOMEONE is reading the commentaries...but really, it's not THAT hard to concentrate. if you try.
