Tuesday, November 14, 2006
"rehi"
It's hard to start blogging again when I haven't done so in such a long time. It's like homework, when the backlog starts to pile up, it seems daunting to even begin. It's so ironic, as well, that when I have the time to write my life is uneventful, but when things start to happen I'm too tired to contemplate writing.
"I'm filled with confidence when I begin, but at the end of a writing night I'm left to wonder if other writers feel that way I do - that with each letter, word, phrase, sentance, paragraph, I'm digging a toehold, gripping a rock, a fool on a mountainside, alone and ill-equipped, a disastrous fall more likely than a gloried ascent. Why did I start climbing? Where am I now? Who gives a shit if I reach the summit?"
- "The Girls" by Lori Lansens
Sometimes I feel just like that. Like what I will be writing is just the tip of the iceberg, there is so much to say and the emotions so rich that I can't possibly give it justice. With all the restrictions on the World Wide Web, I feel that my fingers are tied. Even without, sometimes words don't suffice.
I would hate for my blog to be one of those "I did this today, and I'm gonna do that tomorrow" kind of blogs. Mundane and filled with senseless moaning. I'm not judging those people who enjoy and write those blogs, I just don't want mine to be like that.
***
I've surprised myself by how patient I can be. I guess ever since the ex-from-hell, I have learnt to be alot more tolerant, but far colder than I was. But it is different this time. Laughter and tears are commonplace, and I feel alive. He makes me feel human, and not cold and detached. I love it that he can make me really happy and really sad. =) It has really been too long, and I'm glad I held my breath and took the plunge.
38 days to go!!
(oh dear, I'm turning into one of those sappy, romantic people who wax lyrical about their love lives online. but what the hell, it's my blog.)
XXOO
insatiable at 3:34 AM
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