Saturday, May 05, 2007
"the true dream is being able to dream at all"
We all have dreams, dreams from when we were little, dreams of a great job and a happy family. But happiness doesn't come from achieving those dreams. How do you define 'great', or 'happy'? Where is the benchmark? Perhaps when we achieve those dreams, we wish to wake up instead.But rejection is the worst. Having someone tell you that your dream is never going to happen. Having to choose between your dreams.
Things are never simple or straightforward, are they?
insatiable at 7:06 AM
Monday, April 16, 2007
waiting.
what am i waiting for? all the minutes, and the hours, and the days tick by, but where am I? I seem to be consumed by inertia.I must start work now. now. NOW!!
argh. someone save me.
insatiable at 10:05 PM
Friday, March 30, 2007
mistakes
Wow, its been such a long time since I last blogged.Perhaps I'm just too lazy to type. Or perhaps there are many things I cannot say and don't want to say. Friends who are close enough to me are updated on a regular basis... and the more private aspects of my life are on a need-to-know basis for the rest of the world. Things have become alot more complicated over the past year and it is better that my thoughts and feelings are not aired.
But I am well. There have been many ups and downs these past couple of months. Perhaps more downs than ups, but c'est la vie right? I have learnt to take things in my stride, and not to sweat the small stuff. Patience was never my forte in the past, but I have been complimented as being patient!! (woohoo! small victory for vic! =D)
I guess we are all trying to be a better person than we were yesterday. Trying to move forward, trying not to look back and brood on the mistakes from the past, trying to find happiness. We all make mistakes, that is what makes us human. But to learn from those mistakes would make us better people.
To love, to hope, to trust. That's my "for now" plan =)
insatiable at 7:27 PM
Monday, February 05, 2007
just one of those days
You know the kind that just gets you down?I woke up (oddly) freezing under my king-sized duvet, and had to haul myself out of bed to go for lecture. The hormones have been zapping my sanity recently, and I just felt irritable and snappy. And then. The boyfriend got angry at me. To be honest, it is not a recent issue, and is a matter of great friction and unhappiness between us. Well, for him actually. But if he's unhappy, it makes me sad too! But anyhow, there doesn't seem to be a viable solution to the problem, and thus it will persist.
And now, here I am, in the Portland Building, waiting for the MSS meeting to start. Unfortunately, I would have to leave halfway to attend the (5pm!) Trust lecture. The 2nd one of the day. Urgh.
Tonight, I just want to go home, crawl into bed with a glass of red and a good movie. Or perhaps I should find a big hole to hibernate in, and only re-emerge when the world seems like a better place.
C'est la vie!
Love,
Vic
insatiable at 11:47 PM
Sunday, January 14, 2007
why?
It has been so long since I posted. Somehow, when you have things to occupy your mind and time, blogging doesn't seem that important.***
Why do we push away those who are the most dear to us for fear of the power and control they have over our feelings, but end up feeling empty and lost when they finally leave? Do we not know how much we hurt them by doing so?
Why can't we open our hearts without fear and skepticism, and trust that the other person will not abuse the love and power we have given?
When we have fallen, when do we feel confident enough to brush the sand off our skinned palms and knees; to walk again?
Why do we sometimes believe that we are not deserving of happiness?
Is there a pivotal moment, where you have an epiphany and decide that life is worth living and loving after all, or is it a gradual process where someone takes your hand and leads you gently forward? Will we let them or will we fight them?
"Can you help me?
Can you let me go
And can you still love me
When you can't see me anymore..."
insatiable at 5:06 AM
Wednesday, November 29, 2006
thoughts on a cold winter night..
You are The Wheel of Fortune
Good fortune and happiness but sometimes a species of
intoxication with success
The Wheel of Fortune is all about big things, luck, change, fortune. Almost always good fortune. You are lucky in all things that you do and happy with the things that come to you. Be careful that success does not go to your head however. Sometimes luck can change.
What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.
am I so blessed? heh.
***
***
I just love the smell of freshly laundered bed linen. All set and ready for me to crawl into bed, wrap my king-sized duvet (on a queen size bed!) around me, and fall asleep nice and toasty on a cold winter night. Ah, the little pleasures in life. =)
I like my life now. Having my own room, having time for myself and learning about independent all over again. For the past two years I've been relying on Mark to be my handyman, but now I feel like I'm learning how to do things myself. I like being able to do whatever I want, whenever I want. This is what I will miss the most when I go home. True, home is home, and that is the main reason why I want to go back to Singapore. I have learnt to appreciate and miss home much more because I am away. But under my parents' roof, I have to be accountable to them, and follow their rules.
Does having to be accountable and following rules make me any less, well, me? Well, I don't know. But I like having space I can call my own, and having to only be accountable to myself (and ofcourse, my loverboy).
What does money mean to you? For me, it has always been a means by which to make me happy. Ofcourse, there are many emotional and spiritual joys that money cannot buy, but I would use it to give me what little happiness it can. I have always felt that I would spend the money if it could enhance an experience. But fundamentally, it is but a bonus. A hawker meal with the right person could be an experience of a lifetime, but if you could have a meal at a romantic restaurant with privacy, candles and soft music, wouldn't it enhance the experience? I think spending money in that way is justified. If buying a bag can make me happy everytime I use it, then it is justified as well! =) I appreciate that I still can feel happiness at accumulating material possessions, at finding a bargain or falling in love with a dress. To me, it would be sad to get to the point where I have nothing more to work towards, and it all loses its lustre.
At heart, I am a practical girl. It wouldn't matter if I were staying in a HDB flat, or a condo, if I am staying with someone I truly want to be with. Why spend money paying for a condo you can ill afford? Does it make that much of a difference? At least to me, it doesn't.
I would rather you shower me with attention, and give me little gifts than ignore me the whole time and try to make it up with a huge present. Don't get me wrong, I love receiving presents, especially those in a robin blue box! (heh) But showing that you care and love me and that I'm your priority would make me happier.
I hope that these things about me don't change, and I don't morph into this materialistic, status-obsessed workaholic in the future. Lets hope that this post exists to remind me of who I was if that time really comes.
22 days more!!! How time flies.. why can't it fly faster?! >_<
I like my life now. Having my own room, having time for myself and learning about independent all over again. For the past two years I've been relying on Mark to be my handyman, but now I feel like I'm learning how to do things myself. I like being able to do whatever I want, whenever I want. This is what I will miss the most when I go home. True, home is home, and that is the main reason why I want to go back to Singapore. I have learnt to appreciate and miss home much more because I am away. But under my parents' roof, I have to be accountable to them, and follow their rules.
Does having to be accountable and following rules make me any less, well, me? Well, I don't know. But I like having space I can call my own, and having to only be accountable to myself (and ofcourse, my loverboy).
***
What does money mean to you? For me, it has always been a means by which to make me happy. Ofcourse, there are many emotional and spiritual joys that money cannot buy, but I would use it to give me what little happiness it can. I have always felt that I would spend the money if it could enhance an experience. But fundamentally, it is but a bonus. A hawker meal with the right person could be an experience of a lifetime, but if you could have a meal at a romantic restaurant with privacy, candles and soft music, wouldn't it enhance the experience? I think spending money in that way is justified. If buying a bag can make me happy everytime I use it, then it is justified as well! =) I appreciate that I still can feel happiness at accumulating material possessions, at finding a bargain or falling in love with a dress. To me, it would be sad to get to the point where I have nothing more to work towards, and it all loses its lustre.
At heart, I am a practical girl. It wouldn't matter if I were staying in a HDB flat, or a condo, if I am staying with someone I truly want to be with. Why spend money paying for a condo you can ill afford? Does it make that much of a difference? At least to me, it doesn't.
I would rather you shower me with attention, and give me little gifts than ignore me the whole time and try to make it up with a huge present. Don't get me wrong, I love receiving presents, especially those in a robin blue box! (heh) But showing that you care and love me and that I'm your priority would make me happier.
I hope that these things about me don't change, and I don't morph into this materialistic, status-obsessed workaholic in the future. Lets hope that this post exists to remind me of who I was if that time really comes.
22 days more!!! How time flies.. why can't it fly faster?! >_<
insatiable at 6:56 AM
Friday, November 24, 2006
C'est la vie
inhale...exhale.
inhale...
exhale.
Our lives just seem to pass us by, between these two actions. Perhaps I can be something more in my next breath, perhaps I will squander it with recklessness. You mean well, but I can never be good enough. It's depressing.
The water hits my forehead, and flows down my face like a miniature waterfall. I hold my breath and close my eyes as the water runs and runs. Suddenly I am somewhere else and I am someone else. I pull away and gasp for air. Inhale, exhale.
Perhaps I can never be who you want me to be. Can you accept me that way? Perhaps you can never forget her. Should I accept that?
Inhale... exhale. The only constant is the passage of time.
insatiable at 9:15 AM
