Sunday, April 24, 2005

hell hath no fury a woman scorned

im blogging whilst waiting for the bubbles from claire's bath to settle in the bathroom so i can shower!! i got to really know a friend today. before this we were just the hi-bye kind. living in the same campus, in the same course, but our lives never seemed to intersect. but we went to the gym today, and it was good! i'm really glad i got to know her.

our gossiping kinda set off little light bulbs in my head. i really think that all the bastards in the world ought to be punished. there might be the common soap opera theory that bastards are such because someone else hurt them so bad that they had to take revenge on the rest of womenfolk-- cue felix from the o.c. (since im a girl, it's much easier to talk about the guys being bad. grins). but what kind of sick, twisted soul are you if you would want to inflict the same kind of pain that you've felt on someone innocent? it's like seniors ragging juniors cuz they were ragged on the year before. it's just insane neanderthal behavior! if you have a problem, you should recognise it and seek professional mental help, not try to inflict others with the same pain.

honestly, i think these jerks think they can get off with it cuz some women are too peace-loving; too passive; too scared or just too shocked to do anything. and when they finally want to, the moment is gone and taking revenge would just seem like such a vindictive and juvenile thing thing to do. thus, these pieces of crap get away with mental and sometimes physical torture. women should stand up for themselves, show the world that we are not pushovers and get our own back against the people who victimise us.

i know of friends who stay in relationships that tear them down instead of building them up because of a multitude of reasons, but mostly, they boil down to the fear of change. most humans are creatures of habit, and when you have been in your comfortable rut for so long, you don't really want to move. so what if the roof's leaking? so what if the wind blows in at night? some women can't imagine a life without their abusive partner. some women want to, but can't change because they feel scared and threatened. but i believe, and i have done it, that if you really want to get out of it, you can. just tell yourself that there's nothing to fear, and there's so many better things out there that you have yet to experience. but most people don't know that, or haven't found the courage to do so. and that, i think, is the saddest part of all.

to men like that, there is no "appropriate" response. for me, i'll give them a piece of my mind, throw hot soup on them and end it nicely with a tight slap across the face. if i really had my way, i'll dismember them and drown them in a pig's pen. hm... or maybe the best way would to get an eye for an eye. revenge, as you know, is the sweetest fruit of them all.

insatiable at 5:25 AM

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Tuesday, April 19, 2005

is it possible to love 2 ppl at the same time?

i think not. it is ofcourse possible to like 2 ppl in an affectionate manner at the same time, but not love. the former happens when you are a pretty girl with many many suitors and you wanna get to know them all a little better before you choose. but the latter.. is just pure deceit and betrayal.

if you wanna get it on with one person, for goodness sake, just end it with the other. why leave everyone in a state of limbo and heartache? why force everyone to wear a mask that obscures their pain and puts on a painted smile? if you ask me, it's just pure selfishness and deceit. ok, lets postulate a scenario. A is the guy, and B and C are the two girls he is toying with. so why selfishness? cuz A not only wants the love, affection and adoration of 2 girls, he also wants to make sure that if he cant have B or C, no one else can. i believe that a relationship should be built on trust, love, honesty and openness, none of which would be present in the hypothetical relationship btw A, B and C. so deceit would be a huge part of the equation as well.

there is also no such thing as both B and C acknowledging each other's existance and accepting it. that, my friend, is pure undiluted bullshit. we do not live in ancient china where concubines are a common and accepted part of society. even then, there has been numerous stories of the envy and jealously festering in these poor women and robbing them of their humanity, social decency and even their lives. this further proves the fact that people should be monogamous, even if they are serial monogamists.

what is worse is if A lies to B and C about each other's existance. then A deserves to be hung, shot, mutilated, and his balls fed to the dogs. A, in my opinion, has compromised his integrity and pride because he will not be able to uphold the promise his has made to B and C to take care of them and to be there for them, and for them to be the one and only in his life.

i have gone thru the whole sordid experience of being torn between two guys. i have also liked a guy who has a girlfriend (thank god he chose her, what was i thinking?!). im not proud of either of these experiences, but i feel i have matured as a result of them. i have also had friends who found out their partners were cheating, and just emotionally collapsed cuz of it. people's emotions do matter, and playing around with them is just cruel. this three way affair will only hurt all 3 parties. think about it, if A really "loved" both these ppl, he would be hurt to see either of them hurt. if he chose either B or C, they would have to live with the knowledge that A once strayed and they were found wanting. and if A chose neither, all three would be hurt. it is well and truly a lose lose situation.

i might be naive in thinking that if i were to be in a relationship with a guy, i would want him completely, but that is how i truly feel. if it were not complete, there would always be that nagging feeling, gnawing away at me from the pit of my heart, telling me that all is not well. i might be able to cheat and lie to myself for awhile, but what would that point be? i say, the best way conquer your demons is to face them and take the consequences like an adult. you'll be stronger for it.

and i repeat, you simply cannot, cannot, CANNOT love 2 people at one time.

insatiable at 4:20 AM

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